Runaway Teenagers

   * Click here to visit the Runaway Teens case file page.

It's probably time I made a page for this topic as it's usually the one that takes up most of my time, with cases coming in thick and fast every day. Of the 35,000 people reported missing in Australia each year, approx. 20,000 of these are teenagers. The most "typical" case will be a female of 14 years, but I have had them as young as 12 and of course the age goes up from there.

It's terrifying and frustrating when you have a missing teenager, because I have to say, the law is not on your side. 90% of the time the girls will run away to be with a boy - who isn't usually a boy, he's usually a fair bit older than the girl. Parents are too strict, won't let me do what I want, won't let me see my boyfriend, hassle me about school - does all this sound familiar? I have sobbing parents on the phone time and time again telling me this is what their daughters are saying to them. Yes, teenage boys run away too but in far, far less numbers than girls.

On the title "runaway", there is a movement amongst missing persons circles to change this title as it apparently "labels" the teenager. Sorry, but I'm going to keep calling them runaways.

This article below highlights the frustration and stupidity of the laws, and I believe Police are often powerless to act in these situations too. I have asked Police numerous times to clarify what they can and can't do in these situations and they either can't or won't comment - meaning it's a total mess.

So what can you do? Well as a parent, you are unfortunately "the enemy" so it's going to be really tough on you, there's no point in reassuring you that it will all be okay and your baby will be home safe tonight. That might not happen. It depends where they run to - sometimes if they crash at a friend's house, the friend's parents will soon get tired of the extra mouth to feed and send them home. Or if they're sleeping on couches at lots of different places they'll hopefully realise their own bed is much more comfy. But if they've run away to be with a boy or an older man, and he either has parents who think it's fine for his very young girlfriend to live with them or worse, he has his own place, then you're going to have a much harder time convincing her to come home. If he's paying for all her living expenses and she doesn't have to worry about anything like that, if he's buying her presents, then this will be very difficult indeed.

But the thing you have to keep remembering is this is your child, your baby, and she loves you. The bond between parents and children is very strong and unless there's a very good reason for her not to want to return like violence or abuse (and in that case, those kind of parents are probably not reading this page) then that love she has for you will make her want to come home, or at the very least phone you.

Don't rely on their school to keep you informed. I recently had a case where the office lady told a parent rudely to stop calling the school, that they would not be informing her if her child turned up there. This is something I will try and follow up with the Dept of Education as it needs to be clarified, what obligations the school has and they also need to be aware of the extreme distress parents feel when they have a missing child, and schools need to treat parents sensitively.

Now you probably feel worse than when you started reading? All hope is NOT lost. I have been dealing with runaway teens for a number of years and have had many successes in getting them home, just by talking to them. Sometimes all they need is for someone to listen to them. I would advise contacting as many of their friends as you can find and don't just say you are looking for them, make it very clear the POLICE will be knocking on their door looking for your daughter any minute now. Go to the friends' parents and make them aware that you are involving their children in a Police matter. This is usually very effective in scaring these people enough to make them say "I don't want anything to do with this situation, you can't stay here any more, go home" or they'll make the call to tell you where your daughter is.

I can almost guarantee her best friend will know where she is, even if she tells you she doesn't, out of loyalty to her friend. See my point above - make it very very clear to her that it's a Police matter and to her parents also. Tell her that by not telling you where she is, she is putting her friend in danger.

Use Facebook. I do it every day, and I don't care who I have to go to to find a kid. I have hassled a man's grandmother to make her aware her grandson was hiding a 14 year old girl. She was not very happy with her grandson, to say the least, and within an hour I got that kid home.

Organise counselling. I know it can be expensive but sometimes you may be eligible for Centrelink funded therapy sessions, especially if you can demonstrate the situation reached crisis point with your child running away and a Police report was made. If you have a health care card, some counselling organisations will provide sessions at a discounted rate. These sessions can help you work through the reasons your child left home and give them the opportunity to voice their opinions to a neutral third party, and help you work out strategies to resolve the problems. I can give you more information about this.

GOOD LUCK!  Remember they won't stay teenagers forever and if you can get through this really difficult time, they will mature into adults and you will have a much better relationship with them :)

To contact me - Nicole - nicole@australianmissingpersonsregister.com

Phone - 0438 900 861

Mum powerless to control teen